we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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