Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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