Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
