C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
