see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
two words...techno handjob
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
