Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
