We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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