bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
