omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my being single is dangerous.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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