Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize