dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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