I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize