I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We talked him into tasing himself.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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