smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
