He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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