You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
