I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
