and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't turn off my feet"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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