I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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