I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
