She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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