my mouth tastes like poor choices
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
