So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
