Already got asked if we're dating
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His hands were made for my vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
