I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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