Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
