I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
