She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
