i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
