you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
