what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
