i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
