I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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