She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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