I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
