I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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