Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
