just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
