For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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