Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
