dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
