You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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