remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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