He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
