Nicole vs. Life
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
