my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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