I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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