Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
