Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
