also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
