omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize