On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
