why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
