I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At least life still wants to fuck me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
