I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
