dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
