she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
