I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
