I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize