I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
