So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
