I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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