Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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