Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
