Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
