I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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