i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
