i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
