I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
