At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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